After an incredibly trying week, I learned that there are things within and without of my control.
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The kitchen light went out making it difficult in these winter months to see while cooking dinner and getting my husband ready for work in the morning. The landlord is still struggling to find an electrician to come look at it.
Monday afternoon, I got into a pretty serious car accident. We’re still waiting to hear back from the insurance about the state of the car. I just barely bought the car in September after being without my own vehicle for just over a year. And we’re anxiously waiting to see the police report to find out the truth about what happened.
I also got a call from a different insurance company saying I owe an incredibly large sum of money due to an appendectomy I had in September of 2018.
Needless to say, when life hands you lemons, she throws them straight at your face.
Physically, I’m recovering well from the car accident. Nothing but whiplash, strained muscles, and bruises for days. But, the car accident leaves me feeling anxious, overwhelmed, and with some functional depression and flashbacks as my mind replays the accident over and over. And the addition of the electrical and financial issues on top of it all add to my distress.
What do I do?!?!
I’ll be honest. I don’t know. I had a mild breakdown yesterday that left me crying in prayer to God for help. I’ve been sleeping a lot which is good for my physical recovery but could be also be an avoidance coping mechanism. And I’ve been doing my best to keep busy. It’s exhausting.
Last night, though, while I was struggling to fall asleep because my brain kept running through all of the accident replays and newly discovered financial mess, I did the one thing I knew could block out all of the chatter in my mind. I repeated an affirmation that related to my specific circumstance.
I repeated these words over and over in my head. Sometimes they varied slightly, but always they reminded me that there are things I can control, and there are things I can’t control that only God can.
I can’t control if the light in the kitchen works or if the landlord can find someone to fix it. If the electrician can’t come today to find and fix the problem, I can’t make him.
I can control how I drive my vehicle, the distractions inside my vehicle, my speed, and my ability to follow the laws of the road. There is nothing withing my power I can do to control the weather, and I definitely can’t control the hundreds of thousands of other drivers around me. Traffic lights are beyond my control. And, I can’t control what the police report says, nor how the insurance agent(s) assigned to my case finalize everything.
I can’t control how my medical insurance claims are submitted, and it’s not up to me to decide how much money I may or may not owe out of pocket. But I can control who I talk to and what information I learn and share to hopefully get everything resolved.
Ultimately, I can only control my reactions.
I’m still stressed out and anxious about the future. I’m still exhausted and discouraged. But I know that God is looking out for me and has everything under His control.